Law School Professor

After the Match.com excursion, I decided that meeting people in person was better than the online mystery. Throughout the year, I did date some people that I prefer not to name off in order to protect their identity. Their relationships fit my life at that time and I am not about to disclose how it was because it would take away a sense of meaningfulness to the relationships.

A year later, I found myself polishing off my Match.com profile, where I met my good friend Bennett. He had emailed me saying how he was interested in me. I emailed back but didn't hear back from him for a month. When I got his email, he seemed to be dating many girls, given the context of the email, so I slightly ignored him. Then I ran into him walking down Lakeshore avenue for my traditional Sunday afternoon coffee. He looked at me and both of us recognized each other from our profiles. We immediately became instant friends. He has become my mentor for opposite sex advise and opinions on corky boys and I have appreciated his hour long calls of hatching out the female and male perspectives. 

As I re-entered Match.com, one guy in particular started to email me before Christmas that caught my eye. He was a law school professor for a local university and appeared to be very passionate about his work and life. We met for coffee on a very rainy day in Berkeley and both of us had hit it off and decided for a second date that weekend. I took Bart to his home in the city where we shared an umbrella in the rain to a tea and dumpling restaurant. As he was giving me a tour of the house, we shared a passionate kiss in the hallway. We sat by the fireplace for three hours, talking politics and personal stories, while sneaking kisses in-between witty banter. I remember leaving his home, late at night. After our second date, he then offered to pick me up from the airport when I came back from Austin. He brought me muffins and bananas after my flight and we spent the day at his home, watching old movies, ordering take out and cuddling near the fireplace. Not bad for romantic dates. 

New Years Eve was drawing near and for whatever reason, I always get very nervous around my birthday. I am not a planner of my own events and I would rather plan someone's birthday rather than my own. Plus, a friend of mine was in town to help celebrate my birthday. As I am trying to coordinate with everyone, I find out that the law school professor is sick and won't be able to meet with me for drinks. This is fine with me, given that we just met and I can't really expect him to do too much for my birthday. On my actual birthday, he attempted to come out with us for dinner but was very sick and quiet. I understood completely.

After a couple of days, I received word from him via email that after having a conversation with his friend, Violet (whom I later found out was Violet Blue, SF Chronicle sex columnist and blogger, a woman I admire) he decided that we were both not in the same place in our lives. He offered to explain it further over the phone once he felt better, but at that point it felt unnecessary.  While I enjoyed our time together, I always kept questioning things and I never felt completely comfortable with him, like I was waiting for him to leave.  Maybe it has something to do with my previous relationships but at that point in my life, I had a hard time believing that I deserved something that good. He wasn't perfect, he had his own issues with trust and I felt like he avoided specific topics because he was just as scared as I was. For me, I felt like I was flawed and not ready for something serious.

He continued to occasionally look at my profile and email me saying that I had a nice profile picture. I was willing to leave it alone, given that he wasn't interested in me.  I found that despite myself, it was a success that I allowed myself to open up to him even if it didn't work out. While I feel completely comfortable opening up with friends who are like family, feeling comfortable opening up to a guy that I am romantically involved with will take some time. It's about finding the right guy to experience that with and finding that it is mutual for both people. I also realize I don't want to get caught up in the romantic idealistic moments which I recognize I have a tendency to do, disguising love for this image of love that is captivating in movies and songs. A romantic setting, a great kiss, and good conversation might appear to create this image of possible relationship material but it should go deeper than that.